Category Archive: Parents

How Parents Can Enforce Graduated Driver Licensing Laws at Home

March 26, 2009

Parents typically feel ambivalent when their teens receive their driver’s licenses. They appreciate the freedom from being their teen’s sole source of transportation, but they worry that their teens won’t be able to handle the corresponding freedom of being behind the wheel on their own. In most states, teens’ freedom is limited by Graduated Driver Licensing (GDL) laws. But many parents are unaware of these laws or, if they are aware of them, fail to implement them as house rules.

This is a mistake. Enforcing GDL laws as house rules is an excellent tool for parents, who have the support of an existing law, the need for which and the efficacy of which is fully supported by research. Enforcement of the law by the police, while somewhat irregular in some states, is a very real possibility and could result in legal consequences for the teen. This gives parents additional support from an outside source when enforcing the law in their own households.

The first step in implementing your state’s GDL law is to become familiar with it. The law is typically detailed in the first or second chapter of the driver handbook. Many states post their driver handbooks online. You can also find information on GDL laws at your state’s Department of Motor Vehicles or Department of Public Safety website. Once you locate the information, save or bookmark it for future reference. GDL laws change as teens mature and gain experience (the “graduated” in Graduated Driver Licensing).

The next step is to help your teen understand the importance of following GDL laws. Begin a dialogue with your teen before she or he even has a learner’s permit. Ask your teen to tell you why she or he thinks GDL laws exist. This helps your teen think and allows them to educate themselves about the process. Make sure your teen understands that GDL laws exist not only to protect teens from themselves, but to protect them from other teens. Your teen needs to follow GDL laws whether she or he is the driver or a passenger. Remind your teen that GDL laws become less stringent as the teen demonstrates responsible driving behavior – it’s not just about having another birthday.

Next, incorporate your state’s GDL laws into your house rules. For example, newly licensed drivers are typically restricted from driving during certain hours. You can ensure that your teen obeys the law by integrating these time limits into your teen’s curfew.

Finally, establish penalties for violating the GDL law or receiving a traffic ticket, whether the violation is for disobeying the GDL law or another offense. Be clear about the penalties from the beginning and relate them to driving by withdrawing driving privileges or enforcing new limits on driving. Help your teen understand all the ramifications of receiving a ticket, such as points on the license, fines, insurance increases, and failure to achieve the next stage in the GDL process.

Enforcing the GDL law in your household is a valuable tool that will help ensure your teen’s safety behind the wheel.

Restricting Your Teen’s Access to Alcohol: A Guide for Parents

March 19, 2009

Restricting your teen’s access to alcohol is one of the most important things you can do for them as a parent. There are highly-publicized risks of fatal alcohol poisonings and devastating car crashes due to drinking and driving, for example. But there are other, less-publicized risks that could be equally destructive to your teen’s health and well-being, such as increased risk of sexually transmitted diseases and unintended pregnancy, violence and rape, and suicide.

Teens are ill-equipped to handle the physical, mental or emotional consequences of drinking alcohol, but they have poor impulse control and a sense of invincibility and must contend with overwhelming peer pressure. They need consistent support and structure from their parents if they are going to avoid alcohol and its attendant repercussions.

Here are some guidelines for developing a zero-tolerance policy for alcohol for your children:

Start an ongoing dialogue early about alcohol: the risks, the ramifications, and your desire for your teen not to use alcohol. Emphasize abstinence from alcohol as part of your overall value system. Ask for a commitment not to use alcohol.
Offer praise for good decisions and guidance for mistakes. Working together to rectify a bad grade can be good practice for dealing with bigger problems in the future.
Help teens set short-term and long-term goals. Relate their goals to their physical endurance, mental acuity, and emotional fitness. Ask them how they think using alcohol could keep them from achieving their goals.
Invite mentors and other people your teen would not want to disappoint into the dialogue. Ask them to support your efforts to encourage abstinence from alcohol.
Train your children to ask, “Is it worth the risk?” Make sure they can apply the potential consequences you’ve discussed to real-life scenarios. Discuss the situations of people you know or those of people in newspaper and magazine articles and ask your teen to help you list the problems they have encountered as a result of drinking alcohol.
Model good behavior where alcohol is concerned. While it is true that it is legal for you to drink alcohol, teens have very little tolerance for what they perceive as hypocrisy, and they often fail to make distinctions when making judgments.
Keep alcohol locked up and out of sight. Many adolescents, and even pre-adolescents, begin experimenting with alcohol in their own homes.
Monitor situations where temptation can occur: for example, when your teen participates in unsupervised group activities or attends events, such as weddings, where alcohol is being served to adults.
Limit your teen’s attendance at parties, both in number and in length of time spent. Make a pact to pick your teen up at any time, from any place, with no questions asked until the following morning when you are both calm. Limit sleepovers unless they are at your house under your supervision.
Communicate with the parents of your teen’s friends. Ask what they are doing to ensure that the children don’t have access to alcohol when they are under their supervision. Share situations (not names) that you have discussed with your teen; their responses will help you determine whether or not you are on the same wavelength regarding teens and access to alcohol. Tell them you welcome feedback on how your child behaves when you are not present and that you will not reveal the source of the information.
Observe other parents’ efforts to restrict minors’ access to alcohol. Offer to help chaperone at events your child will attend. Be careful – even “good people” have erroneous ideas about teaching teens to “drink responsibly” under their supervision. Make sure your teen understands that even if another parent is allowing the use of alcohol, your teen does not have your permission to partake and should come home immediately.
Keep your teen busy. Kids often get into trouble when they have too much unsupervised free time. Invest time and effort into helping your teens find safe, fun ways to spend their time, such as participating in faith-based activities.
Adopt a trust-but-verify policy. Even “good kids” can find themselves in difficult situations. Your teen doesn’t have the benefit of your years of wisdom and experience. Explain the risks of being in the wrong situation; even if your teen doesn’t drink, being present at a party where teens are drinking can have serious consequences. Monitor your teen’s – and your teen’s friends’ – Facebook and MySpace pages.

And, last but certainly not least, realize that your teen is vulnerable to making poor choices every day. Don’t let your guard down. Finding a balance between being too controlling and allowing too much freedom will require constant effort, but it is a worthwhile endeavor. Your teen’s health and happiness may depend on it.

Alcohol Access and Your Teen: Is Your Teen Mature Enough to Drink?

March 12, 2009

So your teen is having some friends over to “hang out.” Your teen wants you to provide a movie, snacks, and a six-pack of beer. Should you do it? Isn’t it safer to have your teen home with you so you can provide supervision? When you were young, the drinking age was 18, and you turned out fine. Isn’t it more important to teach your teen to be a responsible drinker than to abide by a law that features an arbitrary age limit?

Some parents do provide teens with alcohol, or simply look the other way when their teens drink, espousing a “kids will be kids” attitude. They think there is nothing they can do to stop the teen from drinking. They fear their teen’s reaction to a strict prohibition against drinking. They want to be their teen’s friend because they want to keep the lines of communication open.

Some parents think that if the teen only drinks alcohol in their own home, the parents will be in control of the amount consumed. They think they can keep watch over their teen to make sure that nothing bad happens while the teen is intoxicated. They reason that at least this way, their teen isn’t driving drunk or riding with another drunk teen. They rationalize that if they let the teen’s friends sleep over, everyone will be safe.

But these parents aren’t taking many facts into account that refute the notion that parents should allow underage children to drink:

Teenagers are not physically, mentally or emotionally ready to be under the influence. Even one alcoholic drink is too much for their developing bodies and brains.

For every year under the age of 21 a teenager begins drinking alcohol, they are five times more likely to battle a lifetime of alcohol abuse and dependence (National Institute on Drug Abuse, 2005)

Adolescent use of alcohol increases the risk of dependence because teens’ brains are not fully developed. The prefrontal cortex, which we use to assess situations, help us use good judgment, and keep our emotions and desires under control, does not develop completely until we are in our early 20s (NIDA, 2007)

Teenagers may look mature, but their bodies are still developing. They require a lower level of consumption of alcohol to obtain a rapid “high,” which means their judgment is affected almost immediately, but they also have increased levels of alcohol tolerance, making it easy for them to overindulge.

Teenagers are emotionally immature. They are still learning about themselves, relationships, and what direction they should take in life. Because even a small amount of alcohol reduces inhibitions and impairs judgment, they may react emotionally while under the influence without considering the consequences of their behavior.

The use of alcohol by teens increases the risk of activities that may result in serious long-term consequences, including:

Use of other drugs (alcohol is a gateway drug because its use compromises judgment and reduces inhibitions)

Driving under the influence

Alcohol poisoning from binge drinking (teens often binge drink to relax and may participate in drinking games that result in ingestion of large quantities of alcohol in a short period of time)

Increased sexual activity and multiple sexual partners due to lowered inhibitions, which increases the risk of pregnancy and/or sexually transmitted diseases

Exacerbation of underlying, perhaps undiagnosed, mental illness

Violence and rape (whether the victim is under the influence or not)

Suicide

Parental accountability for social hosting is on the rise. Twenty-four states have enacted social hosting laws to hold adults criminally responsible for providing alcohol to minors. No state makes it legal for an adult to provide alcohol to other people’s children. Civil suits can result in the loss of many or all of a person’s assets – whether they knew alcohol was being served in the home or not. Turning a blind eye is not an excuse.

When you host a gathering for your teen, you must tighten your resolve. Avoid being a friend and focus on your role as the parent. The following tips will help you through the process:

Set expectations with your teen ahead of time. Make sure your teen knows that you will not allow alcohol (or other drugs) at the party and that this is communicated to all guests. Ask your teen to tell you about any concerns she or he has about any of the guests or any situations that could occur. Make your neighbors aware of the party and enlist their help in monitoring the area.
Make a guest list with your teen. Limit the number of teens so you can be sure of adequate chaperonage. Be sure you have contact information on each teen’s parent. Make sure guests and their parents understand that if a teen leaves the party, she or he won’t be allowed to return and parents will be called. Make sure parents who won’t be chaperoning know the start and end times of the party and will prearrange transportation.
Limit guest access to certain areas of the house and property. Lock up all valuables, breakables, alcohol and weapons. Plan activities to occupy the guests. Provide plenty of snacks, soda and water. Set an example by not providing alcohol for any adults who are present. Regularly move through the party unannounced and as inconspicuously as possible, checking any off-limit areas. Collect all keys so you can keep track of who is arriving and leaving. Keep coats and purses in an area that can be monitored. Speak to each person before they leave; check for warning signs of impairment.
If a guest arrives at the party already under the influence of alcohol or other drugs, keep them there while you call a parent to pick them up. If the guest leaves and someone is hurt or injured, you could be held responsible.

Alcohol Access and Your Teen – Trust but Verify

March 5, 2009

Your teenage daughter is spending the night at her friend Mary’s house. Mary’s mother seems to be a responsible, law-abiding adult. You’ve met her several times and there is no reason for you to think anything would go wrong. Mary’s dad is involved in charitable organizations. Still, you hesitate – but then think, why not?

The sleepover at Mary’s house seems perfectly innocent. Your daughter and her friend get good grades in school. They haven’t given you any real reason not to trust them. They are good kids. You’ve had the “choices equal consequences” talk with your daughter. And you have to trust your teen sometime, right? You have to let go.

You are trying to be reasonable.

For many parents, this is where the conflict begins. It’s difficult to decide when to hold back and when to let go. But you can’t let your guard down, because teenagers are vulnerable to temptation and peer pressure every day. What happens when…?

Mary’s parents are busy fulfilling their social and community obligations and aren’t paying attention to what your daughter and Mary are doing. They aren’t home, or they have friends visiting, or they are just weary from work, and their guard is down. Or perhaps they wear rose-colored glasses when it comes to Mary and believe that close supervision of the girls isn’t necessary because she would never betray their trust.

The teens head out to a party at John’s house. Maybe they said they were going to the movies, bowling, or just to hang out with John. John’s dad is a “cool” parent. He understands teenagers, likes to have people around and wants to know what goes on with his kids. John’s dad is an involved parent. He is teaching his son to be responsible. He wants John to drink in moderation and to be a responsible drinker. He reasons that John is going to drink alcohol anyway, so why not teach him how to do it responsibly?

So John’s dad buys beer for the party. Not too much, and he sets limits, cautioning John that each teen should have no more than two beers. He stays home to monitor the situation. Everything seems to be going just fine.

But John’s father didn’t consider the following:

Early alcohol use, independent of other risk factors, strongly predicts the development of alcohol dependence.
Of all people who ever meet the diagnostic criteria for alcohol dependence in their lifetime, nearly half do so by age 21 and two-thirds by age 25.
People who reported starting to drink before the age of 15 were four times more likely to also report meeting the criteria for alcohol dependence at some point in their lives (National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, 2009).
Compared to youth who wait until they are 21, youth who drink before age 15 are 12 times more likely to be unintentionally injured while under the influence of alcohol, seven times more likely to be in a motor vehicle crash after drinking, and 10 times more likely to get in a physical fight after drinking (National Research Council and Institute of Medicine, 2004).
Due to differences between the adult brain and the brain of the maturing adolescent, many young drinkers:
- Are able to consume much larger amounts of alcohol than adults before experiencing the negative consequences of drinking, such as drowsiness, lack of coordination, and withdrawal/hangover effects.
- Are particularly sensitive to the positive effects of drinking, such as feeling more at ease in social situations; young people may drink more than adults because of these positive social experiences (NIAAA, 2009).
Recent evidence suggests adolescent drinking can inflict permanent damage on the developing brain (National Research Council and Institute of Medicine, 2004).These statistics do not take into account the risk that John’s dad is taking; in many states, he can be held criminally liable for providing alcohol to minors on property he owns, leases, or otherwise controls. Civil liability is always an issue; no state makes it legal for an adult to serve alcohol to someone else’s children. But if you aren’t vigilant, a tragedy could occur before you are even aware of the danger your child faces.Strengthen your resolve. Be your teen’s parent, not a friend. Make sure your teen understands that other adults can’t give them permission to drink alcohol. You’ve already said no, and no one else’s parent can overrule you.
Talk to, and listen to, your teen. Maintain an ongoing, open dialogue about underage drinking and the risks involved. Create a code word so that if your teen needs to be picked up early, you’ll do so with no questions asked until the following day, when you are both calm enough to discuss the situation sensibly. Let your teen know that you will not approve any outing without sufficient notice so you can speak to the hosting parent first.

When your teen spends the night at a friend’s house or goes to a party, call the hosting parent to find out the details. Volunteer to chaperone and provide transportation. Make sure the hosting parent shares your concerns about the availability of alcohol and that none will be permitted. Ask how much supervision will be provided.

Limit the amount of time your teen is away from home. Make sure you are awake and alert when the teen returns. Greet your teen with a kiss and a hug so you can observe your child’s physical, mental, and emotional condition.

It’s tempting for parents to relax their vigilance once their children become teenagers. After all, the teens will soon be on their own and beyond their parents’ control. But the teen years are a critical part of your children’s development, and the decisions they make could affect the rest of their lives. This is not the time to let down your guard.

Safety Features That Will Lower Your Teens Auto Insurance

February 26, 2009

Many parents view the licensure of their teen driver with some trepidation, not only because of concerns for their teen’s safety but due to practical considerations such as the high cost of auto insurance for teen drivers. Luckily, one of the ways you can reduce the cost of your teen’s insurance will also keep your teen safer – selecting a vehicle equipped with certain safety features.

Your insurance company may offer discounts for the following safety features. If not, it pays to shop around. Discounts for vehicle safety features vary widely among insurance companies.

Air Bags: Passenger and driver-side dual airbags are now required in all vehicles sold in the United States. Air bags must be used with safety belts for maximum effectiveness.

Head Injury Protection: This feature, which lessons the blow if your head hits the interior roof of your vehicle, has become standard in recent years. If you select an older vehicle for your teen, it may not have this safety feature.

Advanced Headrests: These systems allow the back of the seat and headrest to move down and back if the vehicle is hit from the rear, reducing the forward motion and thus decreasing the severity of head and neck injuries.

Automatic Daytime Running Lights: This feature makes it impossible for your teen to drive without headlights, making your teen’s vehicle more visible when driving, even during daylight.

Anti-lock Brake System: This feature eliminates the need to “pump the brakes” when you have to stop quickly, preventing the wheels from locking up and the vehicle from skidding. ABS pumps the brakes for the driver; the driver keeps constant pressure on the brake pedal and concentrates on steering. This allows the driver to regain control in bad weather conditions or quickly avoid a crash.

Traction Control: While ABS helps drivers maintain control while braking, traction control helps them do so while accelerating. This feature stops the spinning of a wheel due to wet roads, loose gravel, or fast acceleration by braking it, reducing the fuel or cutting spark plug ignitions, depending on the type of system, which improves traction.

Electronic Stability System: This feature coordinates the ABS, Traction Control, and the “yaw” of your vehicle (how much the vehicle rocks side to side). The system reduces tire spinning, skidding, and tractionless cornering, keeping the vehicle’s tires in maximum contact with the road.

Read more about how to lower your teens auto insurance rates through driver safety and driver education courses.